Written by Brian @ Queer Theology
December 10, 2017
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“Simon, Simon (Peter), listen! Satan has demanded permission to sift [all of] you like grain; but I have prayed [especially] for you [Peter], that your faith [and confidence in Me] may not fail; and you, once you have turned back again [to Me], strengthen and support your brothers [in the faith].” And Peter said to Him, “Lord, I am ready to go with You both to prison and to death!” Jesus said, “I say to you, Peter, before the rooster crows today, you will [utterly] deny three times that you know Me.”And He said to them, “When I sent you out without a money belt and [provision] bag and [extra] sandals, did you lack anything?” They answered, “Nothing.” Then He said to them, “But now, he who has a money belt is to take it along, and also his [provision] bag, and he who has no sword is to sell his coat and buy one. For I tell you that this [Scripture] which is written must be completed and fulfilled in Me: ‘And He was counted with the criminals’; for that which refers to Me has its fulfillment [and is settled].” They said, “Lord, look, here are two swords.” And He said to them, “It is enough.” Luke 22:31-38
There’s a line in a DC Talk song that goes, "What if I stumble, what if I fall?"
I
don’t imagine they imagined their song lyrics would be quoted by a
queer theologian, but here we are. That’s the question I’d like to dig
into with you today:
What if I’m struggling? What if I feel lost? What if this work is hard?
We. Hear. You. And you are not alone.
This work is
hard. If it wasn’t so hard, we’d all be walking around as fully
self-actualized, drama-free, stress-free people. But figuring out our
place in this world—much less how to recover from the damage of
conservative Christianity—is tough stuff.
I
have a confession to make: there are still times when I doubt, when I
wonder “what if I’m just kidding myself?” What if they’re right. They
. It’s always some nebulous they. What if the anti-LGBTQ Christians are
right? What if we’re just deceiving ourselves, justifying our sin? What
if this isn’t God’s best? What if I’ll never know true fulfillment?
Nearly
ever person who has ever written into Queer Theology has asked one of
those questions or shared some variation on those concerns at one point.
But nearly every person who writes in also shares some variation on: I
am learning to see God’s beauty in my queerness and to understand how my
queerness might be a gift not just to myself but to those around me.
Amen to that.
If
you’re still struggling with doubt, that’s OK. We’ve been there too.
And we put together some resources to help you along in the journey—so
you don’t have to feel quite as alone as we did when we went through it.
- Take a look at this video: My First Time. You’ll hear my story of questioning my faith and sexuality for the first time and be able to download a few worksheets to help you think through your own story.
- Read A Guide to Recovering from Fundamentalism (pdf). This brilliant book by Fr. Shay weaves together his personal narrative with soulful advice and specific recommendations on books and music to help you through the journey. I wasn’t raised in Fundamentalism but the book helped me nonetheless.
And
reach out to us, we’d love to hear from you where exactly you are and
what you’re struggling with so we can walk alongside you and support you
in your journey.
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